Close
by Howlitzer
Summary: What it means to feel.


a/n: Thanks for watching.

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She looked up at the glimmering stage, head resting on one hand as she sat at the table. The look on her face clashed with the elegance of the black dress she wore for the night, eyes filled with a distant loathing.

The glass of red wine sat untouched, vibrating slightly with the droning speech coming from the speakers placed all around the hall. She huffed and rolled her aquamarine eyes before moving her legs.

"Where are you going?"

"Out. To smoke, or...something."

"You can't."

"Why not?"

"It'll look bad."

Rouge scoffed at Shadow as he sat calmly beside her. "As if I give a shit."

"Rouge."

She gave him a look and decided to relent, crossing one leg over the other and settling back into her chair.

"Are you still upset with me?"

"Yes," she snapped back at him. It was silent again as she crossed her arms. The speech ended and she didn't move as everyone else clapped.

"I suppose you're planning to stay angry forever."

"If it takes that long, yeah. I will stay mad."

Shadow nodded and returned his gaze to the stage. Another dry speech began.

"It's not very good form. This is a military function, after all."

"I really don't care."

"Rouge."

"I said I don't care."

"...come on."

"What?"

"I said come on. We're going outside."

"Weren't you whining about ettiquette just now?"

"This is more important."

Another huff came from her lips as she uncrossed her legs and complied. They navigated the tables and the side-eye glances as they walked towards the nearby hallway. Rouge leaned herself against the wall, eyes fixed on the opposite one firmly as Shadow stood beside her.

"Rouge, I-"

"How could you do it?"

"It's complicated."

"The fuck it is."

For the first time in what felt like a long time, she looked at him.

"You're letting them walk all over you. How can you stand there and let them?"

"I told you-"

"It's not fucking complicated, Shadow. It's not. How do you think that makes me feel? I'm not trying to make this about myself but it's hard, alright? It's hard to hear those things about someone you care for and..."

"You feel powerless."

"I _am_ powerless. And I hate it." There was sympathy as she reached out to touch his shoulder. "I'm...I was angry because of that. You're worth more than that. More than their scorn."

"I made a mistake."

"Anyone else would make that mistake."

"Someone died because of me. It was an error that-"

"It doesn't matter what it is," she said firmly. "You don't deserve that. You don't."

"It's happened. There's nothing we can do about it now." He paused as her hand left him, dangling loosely at her side. "It might be better this way. It's a lesson...that creating the world she wanted isn't always easy. But it's necessary."

"...she wouldn't want you to go through this."

"Of course not. But life is cruel sometimes."

"Sometimes, you say."

"Only sometimes."

She looked over at him again, seeing the calm in his eyes.

"Do you realize how much I love you?"

"I might not. But I can guess that it's a lot."

"Good guess."

"I'm sorry for hurting you."

"You weren't trying to. But I...just thinking about it. You know?"

"I have an idea."

The sustained sounds of clapping echoed down the hall.

"Let's go back," she said with reluctance.

"We don't have to."

"Huh?"

"There are four more speeches before the rest of the ceremony starts. I read the program."

"There was a program?"

Shadow sighed.

"What? You didn't expect me to care about anything coming in, did you?"

"But you feel better now, don't you?"

"Depends on what you mean by better."

"Tch. Stubborn."

"But you love me anyways."

He folded his arms and leaned back against the wall in response.

"See? I know you, dear."

"I would hope for that much." He looked over to see her with a gentle, subdued smile on her face. "May I ask something?"

"What is it?"

"Why is it that...you look at me in that way?"

"..."

"..."

Her arms wrapped around herself, and she found her gaze locked onto the opposite wall once more.

"I don't want to lose sight of what's important."

"Something tangible?"

"No..."

"Why in me?"

She closed her eyes and smiled.

"You showed me the meaning of love."


End file.
